B3tacom gay bar

The thing I've been most ashamed of doing with a penis Confess. Female b3tans may need to improvise. Pages: Latest1413121110Dirty dirty Back at some point inI visited a gay club. I'm not gay - but my friend of many, many years had recently come out and was constantly demanding my presence on a 'boys' night out. He insisted and insisted that I joined him, citing as precedent the countless times he'd been 'bored to death' in bar clubs watching my futile attempts to pull.

He kind of had a point. So I figured I owed him and agreed. So on Saturday night we arrived at the appropriately named 'Hoist' located somewhere in deepest Vauxhall. This wasn't some fluffy camp Kylie love-in - more a b3tacom and festishy affair under a railway arch, set to relentless nosebleed techno.

I didn't like it. But I drank on through gay soon I was shirtless and throwing my arms into the air, eliciting grins from leather clad, hairy-biker types and overly pumped body builders. Soon I need a wazz. My mate kindly agreed to escort me and we fought our way to the bog. The toilets were your standard layout of cubicles and a massive 15ft long, old-skool iron urinal.

But this pissoir had an added feature that I'd never seen before in London's clubland. When I say this urinal was long, it was deep too and came out about 3ft from the wall.

Earl "Fatha" Hines

I squeezed my way to a spot near the middle and was just about to unzip when I noticed the 'added feature'. There was someone lying IN the fucking urinal. In it. Lying splayed out, wearing nothing but some sort of lycra bodysuit, covered in piss, fag butts and god-knows what else, was a human being, a person, a real live man.

And he was lying in the piss in the fucking urinal. The regulars seemed non-plussed but I fought my way out of there. My friend followed and tried to explain away what I'd just witnessed. So I adopted my earlier defence mechanism and tried to drink through it. I had three pints of strong lager in quick succession.

I danced a bit. I smoked a lot.